Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Beautiful Stranger




(A writing prompt from Trifecta)


MYSTERY
(A writing prompt from Studio30Plus)



When I first became immortal I assumed it would be like being part of an exclusive club of wise and mysterious beings, roaming the earth like gods and angels.  It really isn’t.   There aren’t many of us but we keep bumping into each other.   The world becomes a dull party.  You know their jokes, stories, habits and hang ups.   One minute you’re sitting on a beach watching the sun set and the next some bastard’s bitching about some merchant from Thebes who stiffed him over an amphora of bad wine.    Most of us become solitary.  All of us become bad company.

Not you

Hah.  Maybe.    I’ve been alone too long and sometimes I need to make contact.   Not with another immortal though.    Tedious bunch, like I said.  And the ones that aren’t tedious are too damned dangerous.   I warned you about those didn’t I?

Scared me silly.   I’ve been looking out for Them ever since.

They’re too good at hiding.  I’m putting you at risk by talking to you, I should go.

Please don’t.  I want to learn more about you.  Not just the immortality thing, but you.  You as a person.

Too dangerous.   They are always watching, and they hate the idea of one of us opening up too much to a mortal, exposing our secrets.   But I have to.   The solitude crushes me sometimes.   I just want to watch the sun rise with someone by my side who understands.  Just once.    Idiotic really.  Sentimental.   And dangerous for you.  I can’t believe I’ve been so reckless, I’m sorry.  I’ll go now.

Please!  I want you to stay.  I want to watch the sun rise with you.   Want to know you better.  You don’t have to be lonely.

Alright.  If you want.  There’s a high hill above the bay, glorious view to the east.  Know it?

I do!

Meet me there in two hours.    Be careful They don’t follow you.

I’ll be careful.  I love you.


I love you.   Delete your chat logs.

48 comments:

  1. Exquisitely pointed as ever LM x

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    1. Thanks Lyssa, I do like a nice point :D

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  2. Wow Thomas, I loved this. So clever and with a twist of sarcastic humour but also sort of achey...

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    1. Glad you liked it Natalie, thanks for commenting

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  3. I loved this - the delivery is brilliant.

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  4. I LOVED this, my hopelessly romantic heart understands that need to connect and to want to know about them against all odds.

    it was achingly beautiful.

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    1. Thank you Kir, I'm really glad you liked it. I am glad that need to connect came through.

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  5. Well imagined. I love the last line. So, I wonder, was he telling the truth? Or was he luring her out for nefarious reasons? Makes us wonder.. nice work!

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    1. I think a distant sound of alarm bells would not be inappropriate... Glad you liked it.

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  6. We must think alike. I too thought an immortal would eventually dislike the livings babbling. I would be careful and not erase my chat log. Sounds dodgy.

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  7. ha! this is a neat play on the prompt. I like the back and forth of the dialogue. Great job!

    best,
    MOV

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    1. Thanks MOV - really glad you liked it

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  8. Loved the first line, definitely had me hooked right away. And the second voice is really interesting too. Great stuff! Kate (Trifecta Guest Judge)

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  9. Superb..'delete the chat los' but she forgot.....otherwise we could not read them...

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    1. Unless we were reading his of course...

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  10. Wonderfully written, and great story too. Another great read from Marlowe Manor.

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  11. Immortals make for fun writing. I like this!

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  12. Me thinks that something is a little different about this Immortal. Is he? Or isn't he?

    Your writing is wonderful, Thomas. Naturally flowing dialogue (monologue). Thoroughly engaging and intriguing. :))

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    1. You're very kind Jo-Anne, glad you liked this

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  13. Ahh the stench of 'no-trust' ... I guess everybody is scared but some are really good at masking ! Perfect !

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  14. I want to give this story to my 14 year-old. Chats scare me. So did your story!
    Love his melancholy and ancient yearning.
    Terrific dips into his reality - the bore and the anchora, bumping into the same old crowd.
    Great story, Marlowe.

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    1. Thanks Kymm - the wariness about online contact was my main point in the piece so I'm glad that came across.

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  15. Immortality, definitely not all it is made out to be.

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  16. This reminds me of Marius, searching for someone to share his histories with in Anne Rice's vampire novels. I love the peek into the mental mortality of an immortal creature, and how the desire to connect -which some would think a base instinct that would somehow disappear when you're no longer technically human- overrides caution. Loved this.

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  17. Would it hurt to form just one attachment? You can hear his need, and his rationalization. I hope his needs don't result in someone's death.

    Well done!

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    1. Thank you - glad that need came through

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  18. I think you nailed a lot of thingsabout being immortal... is it really safe to write such thing...

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  19. A very different take on the prompt. Hadn't thought of immortals a being lonely, but it seems like that would be true. Nice story. I enjoyed the whole thing, especially the dislogue.

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    1. Thanks lumdog2012, glad you liked it

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  20. A very interesting concept. It leaves me wanting to know more. I think that's proof that you wrote it well and gave an excellent delivery.

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  21. Wow, what a great take on the prompt!

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  22. Oh it was a chat log! I thought he was reading her thoughts and for some reason being immortal gave you random superpowers. Like mind-reading.

    Thanks for linking up with S30+. This was a nice read, like a quickie... ;)

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    1. Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you liked it.

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  23. I'm pondering the immortal that can watch the sun rise. It set my mind awhirl. Of course, immortals run rampant in my world.
    The chat log was an excellent foil, is he what he claims? Is she simply human, or one of the ones he warned of?
    You've written this very well to have me questioning motives on both ends.
    Nicely done, Thomas!

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    1. I think some serious questioning of motives is certainly appropriate :D

      Glad you liked it

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